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Posts Tagged ‘frustrations’

It’s finally starting to warm up a bit and stay that way, which makes me very excited to hit my park several times a week.  The trail there is torture;  two miles of winding path with killer hills and bridges to push me to my limits.  By the time I’m done doing that twice, I feel like I’ve been run over by a freight train.  But, it’s paradise, and I never get bored of it.  It’s a bit of a drive from my house, but that’s the other beauty of it, it gets me out of the house and away from it all.  Besides, if I were to join a gym I would have to drive there too, and then I would be stuck inside looking at sweaty people in lycra, no thanks.

It took me a bit to find my weight-loss groove, but I think my body has finally caught up to my mind.  My thyroid still wants to malfunction, but I think I’ve got the dosage of my medication just right.  When it’s too high I get headaches and my hair falls out, and when it’s too low I am cold all the time and can’t lose weight no matter what I do.  And those are just a couple of the symptoms of both ends of the spectrum.  There is a happy medium that can be very difficult to find, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed I’ve finally found it.  It only took 10 years.  I figured that when I quit drinking alcohol as often as I was, and the fact that I’m constantly doing some kind of physical work on my house, that I would lose weight like crazy, but my thyroid thinks otherwise.  I have had to adjust not only my medication, but my diet and my exercise level as well.  Amazing the kind of havoc one gland can create.

So, for the past week and a half, each time I step on the scale the numbers go down, and that’s what I like to see.  The last time that happened I ended up losing 30 pounds in six weeks and was actually able to maintain it for a short period before I started hitting the bars again and gained it all back.  That will not happen this time.  I’ve got too much riding on my permanent weight-loss.  If my legs are this strong now, I can only imagine how much easier things will be when the weight is gone.

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I can hardly believe it’s almost March already!  I mention this a lot in my blogs I know, but seriously, where does the time go?  Before we know it, we turn around and we’re old.  I’ve let that happen too much these past 10 years or so and it’s truly time to stop.

This week has been very good.  I have gotten more exercise and been more active in general.  Not that I wasn’t before, but there is always room for improvement.  The more I move, the more calories I burn, and the stronger I will become so that I may walk again unassisted someday soon.  Some days I feel like what’s the use; like everything I am doing to try to rehab my legs is in vain and I’ll never get any stronger than I am now.  I know that’s not the right attitude to have, but there are days when I just can’t help it.  Days like yesterday when I hurt all over and my legs won’t stop spasming. 

No matter what the outcome, I must continue to work hard.  It’s certainly not going to hurt anything.

It’s finally starting to warm up here in Florida and I think today is a great day to hit the park.  I have yet to go there by myself and just enjoy my music and give ‘er hell, so I think today is that day.

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Starting Weight:  212
Current Weight: 208
Total Loss: – 4 pounds

50 days and 7 weeks in and I’ve lost a whole 4 pounds.  WTF.

UGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I just seem to go up and down, up and down, like the same damn roller coaster I’ve been riding for the last 10 years!  This is really getting annoying to say the least.

I eat great;  no junk, not going over around 1300 calories per day, and I’ve been drinking water by the gallon.   I guess I just haven’t been getting in enough exercise.  I don’t guess, I know.  I also know I’m really getting sick of this bullsh*t.  If it takes my getting blazing mad for something to change, then so be it.

Time to develop an eating disorder… (j/k)

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I lost track of my days for a minute and thought today was day 42.  Happens to me all the time.

So… day 43, week 6, and I’m 206.  To be perfectly honest I’m allowing myself 5 pounds of water weight because it’s that time of the month and I was just 207 three days ago (and I’ve been working out and eating 1200 cals a day).  When I stepped on the scale this morning I was 211 (technically), so I’m either still 207 without the water weight, or 206 without the water weight.  I know for fact that my body is quite capable of gaining up to 7 pounds of water weight during my menstrual cycle, so to avoid any major frustrations and me possibly going insane… I’m giving myself the 5 pound advantage.  (This happened last month.  After a full week of walking and not using my wheelchair — during my period I stepped on the scale and was 5 pounds heavier than my previous weigh-in.)

Even with the 5 pound advantage this week, that still means I’ve only lost 6 pounds in 6 weeks.  I can do better than that, and I HAVE to do better than that if I plan to reach my goal.  I should be losing at least 2 pounds per week.  Time to work harder.

I’m doing everything else right; my diet is great and I’m drinking plenty of water, I just need to work out more.  I guess I’ll start adding 30 mins on my exercise bike each day.

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In my opinion, one of the hardest obstacles to any healthy diet program is outside influences.  They come in all forms;  that snack machine that stares you down each time you enter your office break room, the fast food place that is so conveniently located on your route home from work when you haven’t eaten in hours and you’re starving, or it can simply be the “impulse buy” section at the grocery store that is loaded with nothing but sugar and carbs.  For me, it’s my neighbor.

Bless his heart — he’s a pastor at a local church that runs a food bank — and when they have leftover food he brings it to us – his neighbors.  Some of the food is healthy, but the other half is not.  I am so thankful for this food.  He has saved me so much money in food bills that if I had to count, it would probably knock me out of my chair.  The only downside is the cakes, pies, donuts, and other super delicious, and super-bad-for-me items.    So the key, for me, is to get rid of everything that is not diet-friendly as quickly as possible. 

I have a small network of families who I share this food with, so I email them and they come pick it up.  On the days they can’t pick up right away, this junk food calls my name like a foghorn, “SHAAAAANNNNNOOOONNNNN, I’M IN HEEERREEEEEE…. YOU KNOW YOU WANT ME!”  It takes every last bit of self-restraint not to go dive into each and every one of the awful treats and gorge myself until my eyes pop out, especially when it’s PMS time!  UGH.

I haven’t found a tried and true method of avoiding the “cave”, but I try different things each time.  Sometimes I will picture myself when I was thin, and that will be enough to keep me away.  Other times I will think about how hard it is to walk now with the added weight, and that will be enough to piss me off and make me hate the naughty food.  Then there are those few times, like when I have PMS and a major case of the “fu*k-its”, that I say hell with it and have no will power to control myself.  It’s those times I am trying so hard to work on, and find a button to press that will keep me away.  Those buttons are hard to find when you’re craving sugar and salt and you’re cranky and just don’t care.  “I’ll stay fat, I’ve been fat this long, who gives a crap if I stay fat another day!  I don’t have a boyfriend anyway so who’s going to notice besides me?”  — And it’s that kind of thinking that is why I am still overweight.

Even though I might be the only one who notices when I eat the wrong foods, I am not the only one who notices I am overweight.  Besides, I am the one who counts anyway, and even if I truly was the only one who cared or noticed, that is enough.  If I know, that’s what matters, and aren’t I doing this for myself anyway?  Yes, I am.

Still, it is so hard to hold back at that crucial moment when I’m full-blown PMS, and I’m craving chocolate cake, and my kind-hearted neighbor shows up with a box full of it.  I just have to keep repeating things like “mind over matter” and “nothing tastes as good as thin feels”.

I guess there is no miracle cure, or one way to avoid the cravings and hold back, but I sure wish there was.

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Here is a great article from WebMD that explains why we have such cravings and the best way to combat them:

http://www.webmd.com/diet/features/is-pms-sabotaging-your-diet

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Day 40 already today.  That’s depressing. 

Some of you may have noticed I changed my goal to 50 pounds in 6 months.  I did this for a couple reasons;  one being I am confident in the fact that I will look great at 160 lbs. , and two because things are moving so slowly and getting off to a really rough start — I’m not ashamed to admit it.

I was looking at pictures of myself at 155 and I realized I’ve packed on at least 5 pounds of muscle since then because of my wheelchair.  My arms are twice the size they were when I was 155, and I looked great at that weight.  Therefore, I am giving myself that advantage.  Once I get to 160 I will re-evaluate my goal according to how I look and what my measurements are.

I have had a rocky start to this journey.  It has been difficult juggling the walking rehabilitation with the weight-loss, and all other aspects of my life.  I’ve allowed myself to be distracted, given in to cravings, and not gotten near enough exercise.  I’ll be the first to admit it.  Add to all of that my injury to my knee and ankle, and there you have it.

So, this week I’ve done well with eating; keeping my calories down around 1200-1300 per day, and I’ve gotten back on track with exercise.  Maybe I’ll pull out of this slump yet.

It’s coming up on my weigh-in this week and I’m half tempted to skip it again.  Once again I’m approaching my menstrual cycle and can already tell I’m bloated and puffy.  I guess I’ll see how I feel on Friday morning when I’m scheduled to weigh in.  I did some research on curbing the PMS cravings which I will post after this entry.

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